Condemnation

I was recently involved in a situation where the end result was that I felt extremely condemned, guilty and devastated.  It was something done unintentionally but held devastating results to others and myself.  I was a total mess for days; crying, with feelings of being overwhelmed by the situation.  I had sought forgiveness and received it. But that did not change the facts.

As time passed, I went through a process in my emotions and mind.  Truth:  I had been the cause of severe pain and loss to loved ones.  It was my fault.  I went through feelings of inadequacy, self-debasement, loss of my joy, self-condemnation, fault-finding of myself and as the hours passed, an extreme negativity toward myself and then of almost everything.  I felt dead inside.  One of my friends made a statement to me, "You have shut down your emotions haven't you?"  Of course the answer was, "Yes".  I entertained thoughts of rejection and loss of relationships by my stupidity, etc.  There was a long list of words to describe me in my mind that did not edify me as a person - AT ALL!  But, I believed that I deserved all of the accusations because of my bad behaviour.  

After about three days of this being dead feeling, I asked the Lord not why it happened but what was I supposed to learn out of all this?  One word came to mind - condemnation!
Then I thought of Romans 8:1, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Let me give you some definitions of that word: strong censure, reproof, state of being condemned, accusation, blame, denouncement, disapproval, judgment, reproach, reproof, rebuke, reprimand, chastisement, punishment, dressing-down, scolding, tongue-lashing, belittlement, criticism, public or formal expressions of disapproval, unfit for use or service.

If you respond to these words like I did, it really exposed some deep, deep, deep wounds in my heart from past circumstances that had caused me, over the years, to accept those words as a truth of who I was and was not.  That was part of my self-identity.  WRONG!!!  What God was telling me is this:  Learn what I say you are and what I say about you, do not base your opinions of yourself by what your family, teachers, friends, our culture, or even yourself, if they do NOT AGREE with what I say.  Whose truth shall we believe?  His or ourselves or what our enemy tries to lie to us about?  It made me think of the incident in the Garden of Eden where satan said, "Did God really say?........."  My answer to that is,
"Oh yes, He sure did and I am NOT listening to lies anymore about who my Father says I am."  But, first I need to know what He says.  Just read it in His word.  Believe it!!!

This situation taught me that there were areas in my heart that were unredeemed and this horrible incident brought it all to the surface.  I could have chosen to be drowned by it, but I made a choice; I chose to let God be my Source and Believe what He says, not what I think, etc.  It was not easy though.  Because I have for years not thought well of myself.  So, I thank You Lord for showing me where I had unbelief toward You regarding Your love for me and what You think of me and say about me in Your Word.  He showed me again, also, that no matter how horrible a situation is, He does bring us through it (the valley of the shadow of death - Psa. 23) and can bring good out of it in some way for us.  It is amazing.

My point in writing this is not to let you know or to think how godly I am, etc.  No way!  I'm wanting to give my testimony of how awesome God is, how thoroughly redeemed we can be by what Jesus accomplished for us on the Cross and His shed BLOOD and the mighty work of the Holy Spirit placed in us to help us accomplish glorious deeds for our Father.  All three of the Trinity are available to us to become what God has created us to be.   If you have been seduced into believing something other than what our Father says about us, ask Him to forgive you, confess it as a sin and you will be healed.  Yahoo!  Thank You Lord.